[I was going through an old journal today in my attempt at spring cleaning. I found the following entry about my (then) upcoming visit to America. It outlines all of my apprehensions, fears and expectations. It took reading this entry to remind me how I felt all those months ago.]
I have a feeling that my visit home will be both instructive and relaxing. Instructive seems like an odd word choice but it will be. It will show me who still cares. Who shows up. Who's grown up. Who has abandoned that selfish train. Who is still content at the same job that will take them nowhere. Who has finally moved on.
I feel like here in Korea I have finally found my purpose. This is very likely where I will spend some of the best times of my life. The people I will meet. Friends I will make. 11 months down and 10 to go. More than halfway home...for good. The idea of going home is still somewhat unimaginable to me. I have too much left to do. Left to accomplish. Left to see. Since being here I have seen Thailand, Japan and the beauty of Korea. Korea is a place that will hopefully someday be seen by my family. The Brewer family. My own future children. To show them the places that opened my mind, unleashed my soul and slowly mended my broken self.
Without Korea and the people i've met and experiences i've had, i'm not sure how complete of a person I would be now. Before coming here I was in a place so dark that even the familiar and comforting voice of my mother couldn't penetrate it. I didn't realize how truly unhappy I was until I was forced away from everything familiar or comforting and forced to stand without the crutch of those around me. It took going out on my own to truly see what i was capable of. Now, I know.
Now, I know.
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