Seasons Change

[Rewind]

I arrived in Korea during the final stretch of winter.  When I got off the plane I was greeted with blistering winds and a cold that bore deep into the bones.  The kind of cold that those pajamas, saved for this exact weather don't quite measure up to.  A hot shower just doesn't do the trick. Even that piping hot cuppa 'Joe doesn't go deep enough.  I arrived here during the tail end of winter.  Somehow, Korea is already nipping at the heels of the next winter.  An entire year of seasons have been experienced by me and I find myself trying to recall what they were and where they went.  Spring was a short season this year, marked only by the cherry blossoms that briefly reminded us that warmer weather was on the way.  A hot, humid summer soon followed and the long days were enjoyed beachside with friends, on summer holidays at exotic locations and sticky summer nights at our favorite haunts.  The calendar shows that November is just around the corner and along with the turkey it will bring, coldness is sure to follow.

I have extended my contract until almost one year exactly from today but am already beginning to wonder if I will escape this season intact.  The weather has only recently shown its cold shoulder to Korea and already that familiar ache is reappearing.  The ache that makes me want to squeeze out any remaining warmth from the sun and try like hell to hold onto it until warmer weather appears.  When the night sky creeps further and further into my day and forces me to change my routine.  Forcing me to abandon my recently purchased bicycle for fear of impaling myself upon something or someone while biking along the downtown streets.  When leaving the warmth of my bed each morning becomes more and more difficult when the wind howls through the shut window.

I catch myself waiting for someone.  For something to jump start me.  To make me finally feel the spark that has been absent from my life for so long.  However, that other spark still gets to me.  The spark that only a teacher knows.  That spark that sometimes flickers but is never fully extinguished.  Knowing that even though there are those days where students are obnoxious, coworkers grate on already frayed nerves and the tiredness after a long day becomes all consuming...you know you wouldn't trade them.  You wouldn't trade having the opportunity to change the life of that little girl in your early morning class and seeing that imaginary lightbulb when she finally understands.  That "A HA!" moment.  Knowing that it was me who helped her FINALLY get the right answer.  I would rather go through the bad days to get to that moment than be where I was before this journey began.

Prior to really embracing myself as the  person i've become, I was ordinary, beige and uninspired.  I did the exact same thing, with very little variation.  Every. Single. Day.  Very little influence.  Nothing to motivate me.  Nothing to remind me that my full potential wasn't being utilized.  I was a server at a local restaurant.  A recent college graduate.  I had become the things I did instead of letting those thing become a part of me.  I had lost who I was.  Lost what I loved.  Lost the importance of altering the path I was on.  Thankfully, I had my own "A HA!" moment.  One that has irrevocably changed me.  I realized I was meant to do more.  Be more.  Experience more.  To quote from one of my favorite bands (Switchfoot), "I was meant to live for so much more."  I am so glad I realized this when I did.  That this bolt of inspiration didn't hit me when I was in the kitchen with my future, nuclear family.  Doing a sinkful of dishes.  Daydreaming out the window at the coveted white picket fence about what might have been.

Thank God I opened my eyes and saw my potential.  On the day of my own "A HA!" moment, I filled out an application to be a teacher in Korea, pumped out my new resume and took that leap of faith.  That leap of faith changed my life.  Here, I feel free.  Healthy.  Content.  Inspired.  Motivated.  Encouraged.  The combination of being pushed at work, cultural differences and just the knowledge of what could have been if I would have continued being content with mediocrity...makes me feel a rush of belief that maybe i'm where i'm supposed to be for the first time in my life.

Even though I know that the decision to come to Korea was a bit extreme in order to get a new breath of inspiration, it was exactly what the proverbial doctor ordered.