I feel like I am on the edge of a sword. Not quite balanced. Unsure of myself. Sometimes it takes the smallest gesture or comment to make someone rethink certain facets of their lives. Of themselves. Rethink how they got to this specific moment and what will happen next if the wrong decision is chosen. The right decision is chosen.
This is all steming from a somewhat heated conversation recently had with a good friend regarding my future. She simply stated her opinion, quite forcefully I may add, that I was no longer the kind of person easily satisfied with a quiet life in the suburbs. Adventures far and few in between. The bucket list that had been slowly shrinking, paused. Am I really ready for grad school or does my nomadic spirit need an extention instead of a reprieve? I began the grad school idea with the mentatlity that there would be plenty of time to make decisions. I'm on the heels of May and still without a clue as to where I will go next. While I currently live a life that is intricately laced with uncertainty, I would like a few things certain.
What am I willing to give up?
Who am I willing to sacrifice?
What is it that I truly want?
I know throughout all of this that the only person that I need to be worrying about is myself. In the end it is only me that is truly impacted by my decisions, whatever the choice. Even though I know this, the voice of my friend is still echoing in my ear, making me scrutinize my decisions. For whoever is reading this, whether it be a loyal reader who has been there from the beginning or someone randomly stumbling across this blog, do me a favor. Hell, do yourself and humanity a favor. Think before you speak. It sounds simple and the most basic of instincts but you never know how even the most seemingly innocent of comments can alter the mindframe of any one person.
Be careful.
Your words have more power than you think.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Wordless Wednesday: Easter and Birthday Combination
Another Wordless Wednesday for you. This one is dedicated to the easter egg/birthday combination party that was thrown last week. Included in these raucous pictures are some of the lovely birthday decorations provided by my coworkers, gifts from the itty bitties and the hilarity of 5 year olds on a hunt for candy.
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| "Jan happy birthday-Sunny"- Well after more than 14 months the little guy knows how to spell his name at least. |
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| From my amazing coworkers Lia and Brendan |
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| All the little gifts from my itty bitties. I literally felt like friggin' Miss America with all those flowers and gifts. Loved it. |
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| A portrait of myself and little Wendy. Clearly she drew me on one of my fancier days! |
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| My favorite gift of all. After 14 months I now have a microwave! |
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| A birthday shot with my 3C kiddos. |
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| The Easter candy "hunt." |
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| Ryan got quite the haul. |
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| So did Eric. Thumbs up! |
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| Little Alice just wasn't quite quick enough. |
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| By far the best shot of these kids throughout the day...believe it or not. |
Forgotten Journal Entry
[I was going through an old journal today in my attempt at spring cleaning. I found the following entry about my (then) upcoming visit to America. It outlines all of my apprehensions, fears and expectations. It took reading this entry to remind me how I felt all those months ago.]
I have a feeling that my visit home will be both instructive and relaxing. Instructive seems like an odd word choice but it will be. It will show me who still cares. Who shows up. Who's grown up. Who has abandoned that selfish train. Who is still content at the same job that will take them nowhere. Who has finally moved on.
I feel like here in Korea I have finally found my purpose. This is very likely where I will spend some of the best times of my life. The people I will meet. Friends I will make. 11 months down and 10 to go. More than halfway home...for good. The idea of going home is still somewhat unimaginable to me. I have too much left to do. Left to accomplish. Left to see. Since being here I have seen Thailand, Japan and the beauty of Korea. Korea is a place that will hopefully someday be seen by my family. The Brewer family. My own future children. To show them the places that opened my mind, unleashed my soul and slowly mended my broken self.
Without Korea and the people i've met and experiences i've had, i'm not sure how complete of a person I would be now. Before coming here I was in a place so dark that even the familiar and comforting voice of my mother couldn't penetrate it. I didn't realize how truly unhappy I was until I was forced away from everything familiar or comforting and forced to stand without the crutch of those around me. It took going out on my own to truly see what i was capable of. Now, I know.
Now, I know.
I have a feeling that my visit home will be both instructive and relaxing. Instructive seems like an odd word choice but it will be. It will show me who still cares. Who shows up. Who's grown up. Who has abandoned that selfish train. Who is still content at the same job that will take them nowhere. Who has finally moved on.
I feel like here in Korea I have finally found my purpose. This is very likely where I will spend some of the best times of my life. The people I will meet. Friends I will make. 11 months down and 10 to go. More than halfway home...for good. The idea of going home is still somewhat unimaginable to me. I have too much left to do. Left to accomplish. Left to see. Since being here I have seen Thailand, Japan and the beauty of Korea. Korea is a place that will hopefully someday be seen by my family. The Brewer family. My own future children. To show them the places that opened my mind, unleashed my soul and slowly mended my broken self.
Without Korea and the people i've met and experiences i've had, i'm not sure how complete of a person I would be now. Before coming here I was in a place so dark that even the familiar and comforting voice of my mother couldn't penetrate it. I didn't realize how truly unhappy I was until I was forced away from everything familiar or comforting and forced to stand without the crutch of those around me. It took going out on my own to truly see what i was capable of. Now, I know.
Now, I know.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Quarter of a Century
[Thank you to everyone who came out for my birthday, both in Pohang and in Busan. You helped make it the best birthday yet. Even though I wasn't with my family for yet another birthday, my friends made it one for the record books. I'm such a lucky girl!]
Last Friday was my 25th birthday. I am officially part of the quarter of a century club. To mark this auspicious occasion, my amazing friends in Pohang decided to make it one I would never forget. They planned an entire weekend to commemorate my birthday. It all began at TILT (our favorite foreigner bar) and ended on the beaches of Busan.
Just a few pictures from my birthday. More to come soon.
Last Friday was my 25th birthday. I am officially part of the quarter of a century club. To mark this auspicious occasion, my amazing friends in Pohang decided to make it one I would never forget. They planned an entire weekend to commemorate my birthday. It all began at TILT (our favorite foreigner bar) and ended on the beaches of Busan.
Just a few pictures from my birthday. More to come soon.
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| My birthday ladies |
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| One of my favorite guys, Chris Kuisle |
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| Part of the crew on the beaches of Busan. Thanks to Oliver for the great shot. |
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Wordless Wednesday: Love at any age
This Wordless Wednesday is devoted to the two lovebirds in these photos. Over the weekend in Seoul I was mesmerized by them. They walked so slowly with eachother, as if they did not have a care in the world. I hope someday I look as happy with someone as they were with eachother.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Stepping out in Seoul
After almost 14 months of living in Korea, I can finally say i've been to Seoul. Part of Seoul anyway. I'm sure I missed out on seeing an untold number of cultural things but that will be saved for the next trip. I may not have seen it all, but I got a little taste.
Myself and three other fabulous ladies (Willey, Sarah and Kristina) left Pohang bright and early at 8am. Anyone who knows me in the slightest bit knows that I am far from being amorning person. I am bleary eyed and tempermental at best. We got on our bus and made our way to Seoul. Imagine a chartered bus with reclining seats, a decent amount of legroom and gawking Koreans galore and you have our home for the almost 5 hour trip.
After arriving in Seoul, fanagling with the subway system and dropping our bags at our hostel, we were off to explore. Little did I know just how exhausting exploring can be. Down the stairs to the subway. Up the stairs to the street. Walk walk walk. Down the stairs to the subway. Up the stairs to the street. Walk walk walk. If I lived in a place like Seoul where it was necessary to take the subway everyday I would be infinitely skinnier and would have calves that supermodels would envy. Here I am two days later and my lower half is still screaming.
We made our way to the area that would be described by my mother as "artsy fartsy." There were stands galore of handmade necklaces, knitted hats, pottery, pictures...you name it, we saw it. We were also fortunate enough to be in Seoul on FREE BEER DAY. We couldn't quite figure out why we were seeing old women, young mothers with children in tow and everyone in between drinking bottles of beer. Apparently FREE BEER DAY means the same thing in Korea as it does anywhere else. Take advantage of it whether you really want it or not. It's free. It's beer.
We spent the rest of our day putzing around town helping Willey find the perfect gifts for her month-long vacation to the states that is coming up shortly. 10 hours, a mexican burrito, quizznos sub and coldstone milkshake later (can you tell we miss western food?) we finally arrived back to our hostel to get some much needed sleep. Little did we know that we were also staying with 4 of the noisiest Korean women ever to grace the planet. Bright and early (6am) we are all woken up to the shuffling (intense opening and closing) of paper bags. Talking. More shuffling. Loud laughter. More shuffling. Even the patented "Comer-glare" did nothing to get to them to be quiet. Eventually they got tired of playing the "lets see which Waygook will snap first" and either went back to sleep or left. It's lucky they stopped when they did. THIS Waygook was on the verge.
Our last afternoon in Seoul was spent much the same way as the first. We shopped til' we absolutely dropped. No, we literally dropped when our tushes hit the seats of our KTX (bullet train) and slept the entire way home. Now what was I able to purchase during this shopping endeavor you may ask? I got quite the haul. I got 6 books (in English mind you), the cutest panda shaped baby umbrella in existence for my nephew, bracelets for my sisters, a handmade clock and a few clothing pieces for myself. I spent far too much money but the experience and treat of getting away from Pohang for a weekend was completely worth it.
Will I go back to Seoul? Well, I am being forced to head back there twice in June when I take the GRE but as for voluntarily going back...we'll have to see. This is not to say that I didn't have a truly outstanding time in Seoul with my girlies. I had an amazing weekend but it was just too busy, loud and stressful for me. I liked the big city feel to it but I don't think I could live there. There were so many foreigners and options for western food (not that I didn't thoroughly enjoy it) but I didn't feel like I was in Korea anymore.
Change Korea to Kansas and all I needed was Toto, a blue and white checkered dress and my ruby red slippers to make my own version of Wizard of Oz complete.
Myself and three other fabulous ladies (Willey, Sarah and Kristina) left Pohang bright and early at 8am. Anyone who knows me in the slightest bit knows that I am far from being amorning person. I am bleary eyed and tempermental at best. We got on our bus and made our way to Seoul. Imagine a chartered bus with reclining seats, a decent amount of legroom and gawking Koreans galore and you have our home for the almost 5 hour trip.
After arriving in Seoul, fanagling with the subway system and dropping our bags at our hostel, we were off to explore. Little did I know just how exhausting exploring can be. Down the stairs to the subway. Up the stairs to the street. Walk walk walk. Down the stairs to the subway. Up the stairs to the street. Walk walk walk. If I lived in a place like Seoul where it was necessary to take the subway everyday I would be infinitely skinnier and would have calves that supermodels would envy. Here I am two days later and my lower half is still screaming.
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| Up and down...up and down... |
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| The unknowing subjects on just one of the many subways we took that weekend |
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| I can only assume that the sign say "Free Beer." |
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| My ladies of the day enjoying what we later found out to be a nice Russian beer. Meet Willey, Sarah and Kristina. |
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| Some of the cutest hats I have ever seen. Mom, do you think Aunt Teresa can make one for Ben? |
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| I had absolutely no clue what he was selling but his hat made him quite the photo opportunity. |
We spent the rest of our day putzing around town helping Willey find the perfect gifts for her month-long vacation to the states that is coming up shortly. 10 hours, a mexican burrito, quizznos sub and coldstone milkshake later (can you tell we miss western food?) we finally arrived back to our hostel to get some much needed sleep. Little did we know that we were also staying with 4 of the noisiest Korean women ever to grace the planet. Bright and early (6am) we are all woken up to the shuffling (intense opening and closing) of paper bags. Talking. More shuffling. Loud laughter. More shuffling. Even the patented "Comer-glare" did nothing to get to them to be quiet. Eventually they got tired of playing the "lets see which Waygook will snap first" and either went back to sleep or left. It's lucky they stopped when they did. THIS Waygook was on the verge.
Our last afternoon in Seoul was spent much the same way as the first. We shopped til' we absolutely dropped. No, we literally dropped when our tushes hit the seats of our KTX (bullet train) and slept the entire way home. Now what was I able to purchase during this shopping endeavor you may ask? I got quite the haul. I got 6 books (in English mind you), the cutest panda shaped baby umbrella in existence for my nephew, bracelets for my sisters, a handmade clock and a few clothing pieces for myself. I spent far too much money but the experience and treat of getting away from Pohang for a weekend was completely worth it.
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| This shot of the busy street doesn't do the business of Seoul the justice it deserves. |
Will I go back to Seoul? Well, I am being forced to head back there twice in June when I take the GRE but as for voluntarily going back...we'll have to see. This is not to say that I didn't have a truly outstanding time in Seoul with my girlies. I had an amazing weekend but it was just too busy, loud and stressful for me. I liked the big city feel to it but I don't think I could live there. There were so many foreigners and options for western food (not that I didn't thoroughly enjoy it) but I didn't feel like I was in Korea anymore.
Change Korea to Kansas and all I needed was Toto, a blue and white checkered dress and my ruby red slippers to make my own version of Wizard of Oz complete.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wordless Wednesday: A Biker's Jacket
Today's Wordless Wednesday is devoted to the fabulous jacket pictured below. Usually the oddities of Konglish or unusual sayings are reserved for tshirts on teens or on the cup for that afternoon coffee break. This particular slogan of "Pointed fox-like face with large pointed ears and a very busy tail" was embroidered on the back of the jacket of a hardcore motorcycle rider.
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| Only in Korea! |
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